Heart break

Do you feel pain?

I feel pain in a deep place.

Like you got a bomb in a dark and deep sky.

In a deep silent.

Even you don’t know what made you so sad.

When you open your heart, and you got a surprising bomb, what do you do?

I don’t know what to do with it.

No one expected it would be a big one.

It is a bomb. it was hided. Nobody wanted it.

But someone stepped it. It couldn’t be helped.

Who could avoid it?

Was it wrong that someone burried the bomb?

Was it wrong that we walked around there?

We should have tried to find a bomb and get rid of it before someone stepped on it…? right ???

or was it wrong that someone made a bomb?

When you are weak, was it your fault? because you are weak? because you don’t try to be strong ?

Weakness should be disappear ?

Weakness should be hated ?

You should hate your weakness?

Should we …….

When you reglet something, what do you do?

Because you are busy, you can’t think about it. And it should be forgotten?

and someday when you have already forgotten it, it will be solved without your notice?

Do you wait for that time?

Since we are busy, we don’t have enough time to think each issues.

Every day life is so important.

Everyday we get some anxiety and worry.

Never happen that we don’t have any problem.

Right?

So…. why are you worrying so much about small problem?

Why can’t you ignore it?

Why can’t you just forget about it?

You have so many things to do other than small and so personal problem.

Why can’t you appreciate it, instead of complaining?

Why am I so　ingratitude?

energy

Positive energy.

Where is it from?

My energy is from my family and my friends.

Their beautiful smile and conversation.

Laughing.

Cooking

I love cooking.

Cooking and eating food make me happy.

No matter how much time I have spent for cooking, people’ smile let me forget my tiredness.

Eating with many people brings more fun and laugh.

I think cooking is one of the most beautiful love.

Food we eat is full of love, so we get energy.

We can sense the energy of love from food.

I love to eat. I love to see people eating. I love food.

If someone doesn’t eat your food even though you cook for him, how do you think of it?

Wasn’t my love enough?

Was he selfish?

Neither was wrong.

yet, it is too painful to see how he ignores my love.

I had fun and great time with Chicago friends and NY friends. Whoever eat food together, even if it is not delicious, we eat with complaining. The critiquing the food also could be a fun.

Why didn’t it happen here?

I don’t know how to find the answer.

Only I am feeling sad and pain.

I felt after cooking, I got back whipping on my back instead of seeing smile.

Did I fail my love?

What was wrong with me?

I have already told my friends that You can love people as much as you want.

Sometimes we can’t get back love from them, but we still can care and love them.

So, this is the situation to me that I have to go through this pain.

Like “Giving Tree”, can we love people until we become just a stump?

Welcome

Today I decided to write my journal here to share with my friends and future friends. I have been writing my blog at Mixi, which is Japanese social networking service. However, I felt it is limited, since it needs invitation to be a member and written in Japanese( my page). Also there is an issue about copy right. I hope here would be a better place.

I came back to Japan last Monday. I left U.S.A where I have lived for 5 years and my heart found the place to settle down, even though I wanted to stay and could have stayed longer. Why?

I missed Japan, my home.  I felt it was time to go home…..

As my counselor said, there is a time to close chapter in a proper way.

It is not the last Good bye, however we have to go through it for moving on to the next chapter.

To open a new door will bring us an exciting world. Whichever positive or negative situation comes to us beyond the door is not big deal, but your excitement at the moment. When you are in front of the door, you get scared and worry about the future. However, once you decide to open it, you are full of energy and courage. Maybe confidence too. The confidence is like that you can take any responsibility for whatever comes after.  The more you can give up being in a secure place, the more exciting the world becomes.

Sometimes a high expectation of yourself keeps you away from trying to open the door.

When You feel you look awkward on people’s eyes,  you don’t try it.

However, I do want to listen to my voice. I want to challenge and see the new world.

That gives me an energy to live.

Whatever people think about me, I am the one who is on my side.

I like the word from my friend that is ” when you don’t know what you should do with your situation, you can ask to yourself if it is right to do it or not, because you already have the answer inside of yourself.”

why I love this word is that because if you have ears to listen to the inner voice, you can reach the right answer. Even though you will face your conflict, in a very deep place I believe that you will not be selfish. I feel happy if we can have hope to the human beings that basically people love each other and connected in a deep place. I want to believe in people.